What Plan B?

When I filed my application to The National Taiwan University of Arts for a master's in Film last February I was still hung over from Abu Dhabi. In fact, I was thinking of extending my stay in AUH but then responsibilities were calling so MNL I must.

I already got the scholarship. No problem with that. All I am waiting for is the "Ready go!" from the university which will be sent out at the end of June. Most of the other universities have released their decisions this month. Mine is choking me every single day with suspense.

When I sent my application, I was already picturing my next two years (or so) in Taiwan--which I call home. I have not felt at home since I returned to Manila from Taiwan last year until, until the UP Dragon Boat Team came splashing to rescue me.

Then I heard that the quota for foreign students in NTUA is quite low since it's a State U and of course, it prioritizes Taiwanese citizens. State U's, they always play hard to get.

Now that we're a solid month away from judgment day, people ask me what my plan B is in case of tragedy. Come to think of it, I didn't prepare a Plan B. I never do. I think what I'll do in case shit happens is that I'll tulala for two weeks (all the time rowing on my boat) and then panic when I regain consciousness .

A part of me is saying, "Holy kraft Trixie. I will pass. I have to. There's no other way. If I don't I will die. Of course I'll be reborn again but it will be a long deep death. I cannot last another summer here."

But then another part of me is whispering, "It's gonna be okay. Inhale, exclaim. If I pass, then wow, cool let's start packing. If not, another parusa summer is coming up and I'll have to put up with mom's nagging but we will be on a beautiful awesome boat."

"So many reasons why I have to go but want to stay here."

- Rivers Cuomo

Universe, thank you for the gift of panic and chaos.